Even good men know, how bad men think
This is a photo of the dress that my 18 year old sister wore to prom a couple weeks ago. Now, I will say that according to my mom this isn’t the dress they ordered, but there was not enough time to return it for the correct one, so she donned the gown and away to prom she went. The gown is floor length, with an open back, v-neckline, and slit up the thigh. Upon seeing the photo, my boyfriend commented “I would never let you go out in something like that.” Let me preface this by saying that my boyfriend is in no way controlling, nor does he attempt to have a say in what I wear. In fact, he is highly supportive, and often reminds me how perfect I am despite my personal body-image issues. Nonetheless, the independent woman inside me was rather offended. I confronted him about the comment, questioning why I couldn’t pull off such a dress, or why he wouldn’t want to be seen with me dressed that way. He explained “It’s a very nice dress, and you would look very sexy in something like that. But I just couldn’t be comfortable with what some of the creeps out there would be thinking about you….”
If you’re in any kind of relationship, you will realize that sometimes your significant other means well, even if the words don’t quite come out right. It’s not a matter of my boyfriend trying to control me, and in no-way does he condone that a man is allowed to think that way just because he is a man. However, the comment just goes to show how common-place it is in our society to expect the worst from others.
Implicit bias isn’t something that we are just going to “get over” as a society. It’s also not a one-way street. Implicit biases have caused just as many problems for good honest men, as it has caused for a woman’s ability to wear a mini-skirt without fear. Victim-shaming is never okay, women should be able to express themselves however they please. Men should be able to treat a woman, regardless of her dress, with dignity and respect, without immediately jumping to conclusions about what she is “asking for”. And men and women alike should be able to trust that their significant other is not in danger of becoming the victim of someone who doesn’t understand right from wrong.
